Lame Horses

1 star 

The good news is that you get not one but two movies when you go see On Swift Horses. You get the story of a young veteran returning from the Korean War, discovering his blossoming homosexuality with a young hustler at a Vegas Casino. You also have the story of a young housewife from Kansas discovering her blossoming homosexuality with a young neighbor in a 1950s tract home development outside Sacramento.

The bad news is that neither story is developed enough to stand on its own, and the way director Daniel Minahan attempts to force them together into a single two-hour movie is an absolute train wreck.

Daisy Edgar-Jones stars as Muriel, the housewife going through the motions of the American Dream with her blind husband, Lee (Will Poulter). When the movie opens, they’re living a poor but happy existence on the Kansas farmhouse that Muriel grew up in. It’s a cold, snowy, and dull life, but they have a dream to move to California, where it will be sunny all the time. Their domestic bliss is broken when Lee’s brother Julius (Jacob Elordi) arrives unannounced on Christmas Eve.

The intent of the film is for the audience to be intrigued and eventually shocked by the behaviour of these three overly coiffed youngsters. Still, you’d have to be blind (or living in the deeply closeted world of post-Korean War America) not to know what’s going on. There’s no passion or chemistry between Lee and Muiel, either in or out of bed. And while the story flirts with the idea of Julius seducing his sister-in-law, it’s evident to everyone, including them, that’s never gonna happen. So Julius heads west to find his future, while Muriel stays at home to see if her neighbor, Sandra (Sasha Calle), has more to offer than olives and eggs from her roadside stand.

They’re interesting enough ideas and not much else. Minahan tries to weave them together, hoping it will add up to more, but it never does. The pacing is a significant issue, as the story erratically alternates between the vet and the housewife, causing a whipsawing effect. You never stay long enough with one to build up any sympathy, and the self-conscious posings of Elordi and Edgar-Jones don’t help. Their characters never come alive. Poulter, who acts like he’s confused why he’s in the movie to begin with. The only one who gives a believable performance is Calle, who works the camera — and the audience — with both style and substance. 

But it’s still not enough to get On Swift Horses up to speed.